Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Stargate Universe: Are you kidding me?

This is old news, but I found a page online that supposedly lists the character descriptions for Universe. I don't know if this is authentic, but if it is, it is horrific.


Character Breakdowns, Stargate Universe 03/09/08

Colonel Everett Young. 40’s handsome, capable, former SG team leader. Like the Jack O’Neill of ten years ago, but Young’s edges have tended to sharpen over time. He requested permission to serve the remainder of his commission on Earth upon marrying his wife, Hailey, two years ago, but for now he’s temporary commander of a secret off world base. The loss of two members of his team several years ago has taught him never to take anything for granted, and be prepared for anything. He stays on top of his team so they stay alive.

Tamara Johanson. 20-25. SGC Field medic, Captain grade. Off world experience. Beautiful, tough, smart, capable. Paramedic level training. Able to triage serious injury. Modest background. Dreamed of being a doctor but couldn’t afford medical school and the Air Force was her best option. She ends up being the most medically inclined person on the ship but is overwhelmed by the lack of knowledge and experience treating seriously wounded and ill patients. She also lacks the medicine and supplies and has to make do.

Cloe Carpenter. 20 ish. Stunning and sexy. Daughter of a U.S. Senator. Silver spoon upbringing and a little spoiled but not stupid either. Politically and socially savvy. Dreams of following in her father’s footsteps but for now she’s a bit of a party girl in her first year at an Ivy League school. Her father’s tragic death and the dire circumstances of being trapped on a spaceship seriously tests her character.

Eli Hitchcock. 20-25. Total slacker. Utter genius. Mathematics, computers, anything he puts his mind to. Acerbic sense of humor. A social outcast. Comes from a broken home. Lacks confidence because his true intelligence has never really been recognized like Matt Damon’s character from Good Will Hunting with a little Jack Black thrown in.

Lt. Jared Nash. 20-25. Junior SGC team member. Officer material but green and rough around the edges. Every teenage girl’s fantasy. Like a college quarterback thrown into his first pro game, he is thrust into the role of leader well before he’s ready for the responsibility and must learn to take command, earn respect through action, and manage the diverse personalities on the ship to keep everyone alive. Like Jason Bourne, he is skilled and well-trained but mentally unprepared for the urgency of the situation.

Ron “Psycho” Stasiak. 20. Marine. Big, strong, silent. You want him on your side. You don’t want him mad at you. Lacks control over his temper in non combat situations. His emotional expression ranges from sarcasm to anger. His past is a mystery but it’s clear something dark formed the hard shell around him. Yet, there must also be some moral center because otherwise he’d kill everyone around him. Think Eric Bana’s character “Hoot” in Blackhawk Down. Adam Baldwin at 20 could play him.

Geez, where to begin. The first character, the one in his 40s, will basically be a parent chaperoning a bunch of kids? *eyeroll* I could understand 1 or 2 of them being young (e.g. taking some recruits on a training mission with some mentors, something going wrong, etc.), but ALL of them? The characters also sound like stereotypes: the sorority girl, the male slacker genius, etc. Would it be too much to ask that they shake things up a little? Like if they HAVE to have a slacker genius, that it be female, for once? Or have the guy be the spoiled brat? I am also offended that 100% of the women have "beautiful" and "sexy" as their character requirements, but only 1 out of 4 of the guys do. (However, one of the guys is described as "Every teenage girl’s fantasy", so I suppose that physical attractiveness is implied.)

This is not to say that I am opposed to trying to attract younger fans to Stargate. It's probably good long-term business for Stargate to hook fans when they're young, so they can grow up (sort of) with the show. Also, I am not opposed to having some younger characters on the show, for variety. But given the level of technical and military expertise that is needed to work on a Stargate mission, and given the level of clearance that someone would need to work on a program like Stargate, young people who are qualified to work on the team should be somewhat rare. Will the mission that strands these characters consist of ALL of the young people in the ENTIRE Stargate program? Also, as Mr. Entity said, this character sounds like Wormhole X-Treme. In 200, they even joked about replacing the main characters with younger versions, and it was portrayed as a really bad idea.

Given the quality of episodes in Season 5 of Atlantis, and given this as a starting point for Universe, I am not excited about the new show at all.

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